The Amy Zone: A Place by Amy, for Amy, and Other People Not Named Amy

Today is a big day for me, cause I just looked so adorable standing around at a supermarket that I won the $2500 grand prize for "cutest kiddo in the store" and I didn't even know they do that kind of stuff. Now, my mom wanted me to try to and save it for college, but the other night, I saw big, sweaty men in spandex underwear on the TV holding each other in a box surrounded by ropes after yelling at each other on a microphone; now I want big, sweaty men in spandex underwear to hold each other in a box surrounded by ropes that I bought, and I'll pay them to do it, too! That sounds really weird saying it like that, but I think my mom called it "professional wrestling".

And so it begins: the wrestling promotion diaries of ADameNamedAmy, using Total Extreme Wrestling IX created and programmed by Adam Ryland of Grey Dog Software, and the October 2025 Real Life Mod by TheWho87.

The first order of business, on my very first day of business on that unseasonsably warm October 1st of 2025 was to inspect the world at large, because it turns out a lot of the promotions I thought were open had in fact closed down. That was a simple matter of spending the morning calling all those closed promotions and telling them to open back up.

For the sake of explanation, TheWho87's real life mods tend to keep a good amount of active promotions closed down in order to both keep the game world realtively small and quick to load, and to save TheWho87's time from constantly having to check the rosters of over 100 small promotions every month for accuracy. Helpfully, these mods distinguish these promotions from ones that are actually out of business by making the closure date the same as the opening date. We just wipe the closure date and boom-bam, that promotion will appear in the game world.

Now it was time to tell the world all about myself. Look at me, sitting there like a five year old white asexual cisgender American woman from the Great Lakes region of the United States with she/her pronouns, a loyalty to no one, and no interest in being a part of the show outside of being a color commentator and on-screen personality! How pathetic! I can't even speak Spanish above a basic level!

Hablo poquito español. Muy muy poquito. Yo se hablo, "Necesito usar el baño, immediatamente!"

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm trying to become a wrestling booker when I'm only five years old... er, well... that's because in previous universes of Total Extreme Wrestling, Amys have always had these metrics called "User Talents" that are now conspicuously missing, as you can see in the empty space circled below, when I was born in this TEW universe. User Talents were innate abilities between 1-10 that determined how well you adapted to the wrestling booker environment, and you started with 30 and could place them wherever and however many you chose between six major passive talents, and you'd get an extra point to use for every 100 shows booked. "Negotiation", for instance, every previous Amy would max out to ten to start with, because it meant that she could smooth talk local wrestlers into working a show for a hot dog and a handshake. And sometimes not even the hot dog. Or the handshake. It turns out that in this universe, however, that Adam Ryland has replaced User Talents with a more realistic system involving your stats and popularity. Even my five year old brain can understand that this Total Extreme Wrestling universe is all about simulation, and there's very little realism in magically gaining the ability to do something better just because you did something 100 times and got a token. My mom told me that Vince McMahon was booking World Wrestling Entertainment for over 40 years and he still sucked at it, all the way up until he was forced out of the WWE for "doing very bad things". She wouldn't tell me what that meant.

You could also be part of the universe while assuming the roles of such lumimaries as Paddington Bear, Snoop Douglas, Jackass's Ehren McGhehey, that guy who laughed at Adam Sandler on the phone, that hyper religious idiot Mat Dickie who has made 90 videogames with the same engine, and a woman simply known as Sophie, who I'm told was quite the catch back in universes long long ago when they were named "Extreme Warfare Revenge". But I'm pretty luminous myself, so I'm gonna make like a Collective Soul song and "Shine". Unless you're a hyper religious idiot like Mat Dickie, in which case I suppose I would make like a Newsboys song and "Shine".

Well, those earlier universes, Amys would be starting at the age that real life Amy was, with plenty of confidence that she could become the best booker she could be before retirement age by booking hundreds of shows for talent points. But I don't know how stats and popularity figures into those talents anymore, and I'm not an Amy in her thirties with random stats and popularity levels to see how those talents play out, so I guess I'm a five year old Amy with zero stats and popularity anywhere in the world. That's not entirely unrealistic, is it? I'm five years old, we don't know much about anything! Guess I'll just wisen up as I get older and put on lots of shows. Besides, it looks like all the potentials for being the best Amy ever are set to "excellent", so maybe the wrestling world will come naturally to me. Maybe I don't need to have "sex appeal" at the age of five, for instance, cause mom tells me sex is for grown-ups. And all five year olds have enough trouble stringing together sentences without sounding like they have a mouthful of their own tongue.

Yeah, when I was five years old, I mostly said two things: "I like Super Mario!" and "Do you wanna be my friend?"

With me out of the way, let's talk about how I plan to get myself into the business with $2500. Cause, um... I tried to call every wrestling promotion in the world, and they all told me the same thing. They all said, "We're not hiring a five year old to book our shows, don't you have school right now?" So... I guess I don't get to buy my way into owning someone else's ring, but my mom said I might as well start my own company, so I guess I will. But it seems like the wrestling world doesn't know what to think of me.

I was jobless for two months before making this, so yeah, being unemployed really sucks, but at least Lil' Amy has $2500, I don't. Can you spot me some cash? I also like how in the grand scheme of the wrestling news world, news of Lil' Amy's out of nowhere appearance in the industry is likened to a temporal shift and the creation of an alternate universe, and yet is only ranked 72nd out of the 74 news stories this day, just above Roman Reigns sharing financial advice. What, is Lil' Amy not important enough for Adam Wilborne and King Ross to discuss? Did Simon Miller not pop in for two seconds on a video just to say, "What the flub is goin' on here?" And what of Oli Davis? You just gonna ignore Lil' Amy too, Oli? Not even The Great Brian Last said anything about it on any of his podcasts! And I once had a very short conversation with him on Twitter years ago about Gary Numan and Tubeway Army! I practically know the man personally!

So, starting my own promotion being the way to go, I'm getting to work on getting the word out! On October 1st, Northern Indiana Wrestling was opened with my $2,500 in South Bend, Indiana, and that's where I live! I wanted to call it "Northern Indiana Grappling Arts", but my mom stopped me really quickly and told me to pick something else and wouldn't tell me why. Why won't my mom tell me anything!?

This is not some kind of an edgy joke for the sake of being edgy. I was setting this up really late in the middle of the night and I was exhausted, and when it came to the name, I knew I wanted two things: I wanted it to reflect the region I live in, and I wanted it to sound really sophisticated and pretentious. Location-wise, "Northern Indiana" was a solid choice cause that's the region the promotion would be working in during its infancy. Now for the question of giving it a name to reflect that it's a wrestling promotion... well, "Wrestling Federation" and "Pro Wrestling" are overdone, and so too is "Championship Wrestling". I didn't want to call it an "Alliance" or an "Association", so what's the most sophisticated and pretentious name I can give to exemplify that we respect the sport of professional wrestling? "Grappling Arts"! And thus, a wrestling promotion was born! ...Until I began to enter the initials and spelled it out in my head, and the ensuing realization was, "Oh... crap... crap, it really can't be that." I ended up giving it the more bland and simple name of "Nothern Indiana Wrestling". Oh well, maybe "Grappling Arts" can be used somewhere else in this universe.

And for the final touches, the public has to know what kind of wrestling they're going to get, and where they're going to get it. Being based in South Bend, and being that I'm only five years old, I can't go very far, so most of the places I can do shows are going to be in the city. Maybe if we get really big, we can move around Indiana more, and I'll be a lot older than five by that point so I can go to more places! I told my mom that I didn't want to do shows with a lot of people talking, I wanted lots of wrestling action, really crazy stuff, too, like the matches where they hit each other with things and jump off of ladders and cages and things. My mom said, "So you want to make something like your favorite wrestling show, Dynamite?" Yup!

And it'll be attractive to sponsors? Chaaaaaaaa-ching!

And with that ends my first day as a wrestling promoter! Soon, people will know the name "ADameNamedAmy"! They'll also know the name "Northern Indiana Wrestling"! Who better than Amy!? I'm gonna write my name in the same conversation as the great promoters of history, alongside names like Fern Gag-nuh, Jerry Jerreet, Anthony Ee-no-kee, and Jimothy Corncob!! AND MY MOM WILL REGRET MAKING 8PM MY BEDTIME!! I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU'LL SEE!!

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